Standup at the Brainwash, circa 2001

     Ok so but then like three civilians filled the Brainwash out last night. Ghost cafe. I hit the open mic after 13 hours at work and also a corporate-sponsored Java One/Sun (TM) Event in which the B-52's played and flexible circus performers patiently ogled lubed up techies ('That's Code Warrior, to you, woman!') uninhibitedly suited in oxford shirts with their own personal company logos (who, i submit, are the real freaks?).

     But so, contextually, you can see I'm in a bit of a Mood when I hit the 'Wash… Tony puts me up just as my fish and 'chips' come off the grill. And I'm going to do the old shit. What have I prepared1 but a half-assed bit wrapped up in a 'yo mama' grape leaf.2 Then I do my bit about giving up asking for advice, and then ask the audience, 'what do you guys think?'. Some people actually answer, and I ad lib… 'some guys are so dumb, they answer rhetorical questions.' So I'm out there, I'm aggressive, I'm throwin' shit down, doin' it the way I should be every time. I'm a little punchy. And it helps that all three people in the audience and that one comic in the corner seem to be entertained. I get off the stage, the Comedy Syringe still hanging in my arm… The wind in my hair, the open road…

     And the next guy on stage leads with '…Alicia: the cutest thing you'd ever want to stuff into a trash compactor.' I choke on my fish & chips. As if 'cute' isn't enough of an insult? And where does this trash compactor even come from? And what's his problem with me even? So but then I'm getting some more ketchup, and I can't quite hear what he's saying, it's garbled, but it sounds like '…Alicia's proportions are like my ex-girlfriend…' and listing measurements like a football hike I think. I'm too giddy to be pissed off; it's just that I'm surprised. So I start heckling him and asking everybody if he said what I think I heard, exchanging looks with Leslie C. and Bobert. He gets off stage, and in a move unexpected by me, Leslie C. springs into action! I don't hear what she says, but seconds later, he's offering apologies and explanations and now I even feel bad for him. Apparently, he thought I was heckling him during my own personal set!

    You see, he was one of those who answered my rhetorical question in the 'what do you guys think?' bit. So it's not funny enough for everyone to get it. So it goes over (or more like under) some people's heads. So it's aggressive and manipulative to trick the audience.3 Maybe I shouldn't do it anymore. What do you guys think? 1 ('rehearsal cuts into my tv time' -s. neilsen) 2 a) 'met this guy who's so dumb, he thinks reproductive rights is when women are allowed to use the copier at work…' b) 'he's so dumb, he thinks analogy is the study of assholes.' 3 But people love magicians.* * Or do they?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.